13 Weeks

13 weeks. That’s how long it’s been since I’ve had any alcohol. Aside from some scatterbrained moments and bouts of mania, my focus feels a lot more stable. There were some real problems in the beginning. A shorter fuse. What felt like a million near-panic attacks. But that seems to have stabilized a bit.

I do feel the need to apologize. I anticipated ONE AND ONLY would be a bigger story than it is, but I dunno. I think it’s done, at least for now. I’m sorry if any of you were waiting on more. Ideas can be fickle sometimes. I’m not saying never, but I am saying not now.

Hopefully, that means more blogging here. I’ve missed connecting with you all on a daily basis.

Tomorrow morning, Jean and I head to the hospital to induce baby number two. I’m excited to meet her. Nervous about being a parent again, especially in this nightmare era, but mostly excited.

That’s all for now. The new episode of White Trash Occultism will go up later, so I’ll try to remember to link to it here.

Onto the Next One

I came across this article yesterday. A particular quote from Democratic congresswoman and former CIA analyst Elissa Slotkin jumped out at me more than anything else in the piece. Her words, “The post-9/11 era is over. The single greatest national security threat right now is our internal division,” gave me pause. I shook my head because what she either fails to realize or decided not to say for political reasons is that our internal division is directly related to a lot of the rhetoric that came out of the post-9/11 War on Terror. The terrorists won, guys. They won a long time ago.

I’m not an overtly political person. I do have beliefs and I do vote, but my skepticism for anyone who’s reached elected official status runs deep. Still, I observe and I listen and I remember.

2020 was a nightmare year, but we can’t pretend it grew out of nothing.

I believe in consequences. I believe in cause and effect. Every action causes a reaction.

This is not a political post. My goal is not to change the world. Revolutionaries always die, and often horribly. My goal is to evolve myself. Act with purpose. Assess potential consequences. Inspire those who care to listen.

I’ve been off booze for over two months. I’ve been 90% off social media for almost as long. These things have yielded a ton of time and mental space. How will I fill this time and space?

With purpose. Intent. Goals.

I’m ascending. Onto the next one, as Jay-Z says.

Let’s grow together.

Recovery

My dinosaur book EXTINCTION PEAK made Horror Bookworm Reviews top five of the year, so that’s pretty cool. Someone on Facebook told Ryan Harding and I that PANDEMONIUM was their favorite book they read this year. I heard about both of these things yesterday, but see my previous post and learn all about why I hardly had the energy to write anything.

I’m recovering from whatever illness decided to hit me hard Monday night and through Tuesday. Again, I doubt it’s COVID because I’m already feeling better, but who knows.

Anyway, I’m a little over six weeks sober. I don’t deal with much in the way of temptation. I’m in a lot of pain, but alcohol doesn’t wash that away. It only exacerbates it.

Despite everything, I did manage to put down some words on the blob romance collaboration with Wile E. Young.

I’ve also been thinking about the New Year and resolutions. I generally shy away from them, but this year was such a trash fire, I think a clear strategy for how I plan to improve my life and the life of those around me is absolutely necessary. I suspect the next few blogs will be dedicated to exploring these resolutions and what they mean.